Finding accommodation when living overseas can be tough, especially when living in a city. We all favour privacy but soon find looking to rent a whole apartment by yourself can prove insanely expensive – while renting a room in a sharehouse means you’ll probably be sharing a bathroom, among other things. In my boyfriend’s case, when you’ve been living away from home for over five years, you become tired of sharing accommodation and just want your own space. The best thing to do is to find a happy medium. He found one in the means of a studio apartment with an en-suite bathroom, in a decent enough area in Melbourne.

After three months together I decided to move out of my share house and in with him. However, the first time I hung out at his place what left a lasting impression on me was the artwork that spanned the hallways of the apartment building. While walking down the hallway the following morning, I noticed the canvas on the wall ahead of me in the distance and upon first glance, thought it was a photo of Kim Jong-un. On closer inspection it was actually a photo of Frank Sinatra. But still – this random print of Ol’ Blue Eyes seemed just like an odd choice of supposedly intended neutral hallway decor. It was only when I moved in that I had time to fully assess the art on all floors and it brought me to the conclusion that whoever was put in charge of aestheticising these hallways followed no kind of theme whatsoever. I want to scream ‘YOU HAD ONE JOB’ at them. It is the most random collection of wall hangings I have ever come across. I have no idea what kind of feelings they wanted to ignite in the person that has the pleasure of viewing them – but for me it’s a definite and unmistaken: ‘What the fuck’.

Let’s take a look:

Here is the corridor view of the Frank Sinatra canvas:

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Which to me looked like:

In this Sunday, April 15, 2012 photo released by the Korean Central News Agency and distributed by the Korea News Service on April 16, 2012, North Korean leader Kim Jong Un salutes during a mass military parade in Kim Il Sung Square to celebrate the centenary of the birth of his grandfather, national founder Kim Il Sung in Pyongyang, North Korea. (AP Photo/Korean Central News Agency via Korea News Service) JAPAN OUT UNTIL 14 DAYS AFTER THE DAY OF TRANSMISSION

But was infact:

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A US stamp with Frank Sinatra on it! Everyone who has ever lived loves Frank Sinatra, right?

Speaking of neutral things everyone who has ever lived loves:

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The Vatican! Another great choice for an apartment building, because who doesn’t love The Vatican and Catholicism right?

And hey check this out:

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Hey guys, I know most of this apartment building is composed of studio apartments, so here’s a photo of a car you’ll probably never be able to afford! It sure is pretty though right?

…Yeah cool, now walk straight past it and return to your single room dwelling.




Alright, what do a US stamp with Frank Sinatra on it, The Vatican and a Porsche have in common with the next canvas?

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Absolutely fucking nothing!

Here’s a random overly feminine graphic print of a lady and her pretentious dog shopping in Paris! She looks pretty affluent, probably more affluent than you!

This one is directly outside our apartment and I initially commented to Steve that it’s probably the most un-masculine canvas to have beside the door of your bachelor pad: ‘Bonjour! Welcome to Steve’s boudoir!’

Anyway, considering you live in this building, we’ll just gently remind you you’ll probably never be able to afford to go to Paris.

Speaking of places you won’t be able to travel to, how about:

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LAAAAS VEGAAAASS!! 

Bright light city won’t be welcoming you anytime soon, but here’s another flashy image to add to that unattainable Porsche you’re driving in your mind on the way to your room!

And the finale, the pièce de résistance of elegance and refinery in hallway decor:

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A photo of The Godfather!

But wait, he looks a little off…

Oh yes, that’s because it is infact a photo of a wax model of The Godfather.

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Why is it a photo of a wax figure? Why not a real movie still?

Look at his creepy bloated wax hand!

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I don’t even know what to say about this. Fair enough The Godfather is a classic movie, but why a photo of his wax figure?
I dunno if it’s a subliminal thing and they’re trying to tell you that in order to escape your studio apartment and attain all of the flashy things in the previous wall hangings you should enter into some mafia esque behaviour like the Godfather?

Either way, I don’t want to live in a weird dystopian future where people have photos of wax figures hanging up – instead of photos of actual living human beings.
Hey this Wax figure will never die, BUT YOU DEFINITELY WILL! Enjoy your stay!’

Good grief.

– Aisling Abbey

@bawdyfox




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